Secret Admirer
by xAuraSlantonx
Summary: (LEVI x READER) To get into the scout regiment with all of the elites, you had to face the titan-shifter himself, Eren. When you lose at the most crucial time, you don't know whether they will accept you, or if they will say you're not fit for the military at all.
1. Chapter 1

Cold sweat trickled down your sunburnt face as you raised your hands up to your fighting stance. Your (h/c) hair stuck to your face and your body was starting to wear down, but you wouldn't give up. You had been sparring for the past hour with the titan-shifter himself, Eren. You haven't failed yet. One more take-down and you would finally be done for the day. Levi's dark eyes were on you, as well as the rest of the scout regiment. You were trying to prove your worth, prove that you were meant to be in with the rest of the elites. And so far you were doing well. But, you weren't sure if you could go at it again.

Eren readied himself, "You can do it, (first name)."

His voice was in a hushed whisper, so that only you could hear. You stare at him for a moment as you attempted to read his movements. But, like usual, you couldn't tell what he was thinking. What he was planning. And it was unnerving.

Your heart started to pound against your chest. This would be it. This is the final test to see if you were really worth their time. At times like these, you began to overthink things. But nothing was running through your brain. It was quiet, even in your mind.

Wind blew through your hair and everyone's whispers faded. It was about to start.

Eren lunged at you, and you dodged gracefully. But something was different this time. He seemed more aware of your were starting to become predictable.

His hand shot out and grabbed your white shirt in his fist. He pulled you towards him with so much force, you lost your footing and fell to the dirt. Pain shot up your back and you grunt. When you realize what had happened, your eyes widen. How could he have brought you down so fast?

"That didn't take long," you heard Hanji Zöe speak sadly, as if you disappointed her in some way. She barely knew you, how did she have the slightest clue what kind of a fighter you were?

"I've seen enough," Levi turned and began to walk away. Everyone slowly began to follow suit, until it was just you and Eren on the field.

"Shit," you slam your hands on the ground, "Seriously? You decide to go hard on me when it counted most?"

Eren smiled slightly, "Hey, don't worry about it. If Levi is smart, he'll let you join. Just give him some time."

He waved and walked away. And before you knew it, you were alone.

**6:30 pm**

You sat in the mess hall, staring blankly at your full plate of food. Even though it was your favorite, you couldn't bring yourself to eat. The events of the day went from bad to worse as you embarrassed yourself in front of the one person you wanted to impress.

You sigh. It wasn't your fault that Eren blind sighted you. If anything, it was Levi's fault for watching you without so much as a twitch. You were always nervous around men, but not as much as you were around Levi. Something about him made you particularly nervous. You just couldn't place what it was.

You stood, leaving your plate of food on the table. You weren't going to eat. There wasn't even a reason to try. Your stomach was in knots. Today was the worst.

You were almost to your room when you heard, "Hey, brat."

You turn and your breath catches in your throat as your (e/c) eyes meet with Levi's. He seemed to be staring right through you instead of at you. It was a little unnerving, being alone with him.

Instinctively, you salute. _Why right now of all times? I just want to go to my room and sleep... I don't want to be lectured about my performance today._

"Y-yes, sir," you ask.

He crosses his arms, "Would you come with me?"

Your heart throbbed in fear of what he had planned. There was no one standing around you and him, nor did it look like anyone was going to be walking by any time soon. Why did he need to take you somewhere private? You sigh and nod slightly.

Levi turned away from you and began to walk away. You knew he wanted you to follow him, but you couldn't bring yourself to move. There couldn't be anything to be afraid of. He was a captain, and you were just a lowly cadet that was thrown to the ground within seconds of a fight beginning. Maybe he was going to scold you and tell you that you weren't cut out to even be in the military. Not even the military police would take you after that.

You shook your head and allowed your hands to fall to your sides, "Captain?"

He turned his cheek and stared at you from the corner of his right eye.

"May I ask you a question," you lick your lips.

He raised his eyebrows slightly, signaling that you could ask whatever you needed to ask. But he also looked somewhat impatient, as if he had places to go and as if he was on a timed schedule. Which, he probably was. Seeing as though he was the captain of the survey corps.

"Is this about my performance today," you ask quietly, "Because I don't know what happened at the end… I know it was the most important part of the test, but something distracted me."

"You know you can't be distracted like that when you're outside the walls," he states, ending the conversation before it could even start. He motioned for you to follow him again, and this time you obliged without saying a word.

He didn't answer your question. He barely even acknowledged it.

You stare at his back, smiling slightly to yourself. He was short, but in some way you knew that, even with being as short as he was, he was probably stronger than all of the people in the scout regiment put together. His muscles must be…

You shake the thought from your mind. Why would you be thinking of that at a time like this? Yes, he's attractive. But you shouldn't be feeling like this for such an elite guy. But, if you weren't going to get into the scout regiment, then why couldn't you date him? Even if you were his cadet, it would make it that much hotter.

_Shit, _you think, mentally hitting yourself. You couldn't think that! Why the hell was your brain wandering to that?!

Once you two were outside, you glanced up at the sky. There were colors varying from light purples to pinks and oranges. It was beautiful. The only thing that would make it better would be...

"Get on one," Levi commanded, mounting a horse.

Would be that...

You swing your leg over the black horse and look at Levi. Even his profile was perfect...

He glanced over at you, "Do you have any idea where we're going?"

You shake your head.

"Stupid girl," he mumbled and jabbed his heels into his horse's side.

_Wait, what?_

You stick your heels into the sides of your horse and attempted to catch up to him. No matter how hard you tried, it seemed he just kept getting farther and farther away. It felt like you were about to fall off your horse by how fast you were going. How did he go so fast?

A few minutes later, you arrived at a castle. Levi dismounted and glanced back at you.

"Come on," he began to walk away.

"Isn't this where the scout regiment resides," you jump off your horse and run up to his side. Your hand grazed his and your face went red. You linked your fingers behind your back as he looked down at your hand for a moment.

"Yes," he opens the door and stares into your eyes, "Welcome to the scout regiment, cadet."


	2. Chapter 2

"Told you that you would make it," Eren smiled as he patted your shoulder.

You could barely believe it was happening. The fact that you got into the scout regiment was just so overwhelming. You barely heard all of the congratulations and the comments made towards you. All you could do was smile and nod and just continue to say thank you.

Once everything calmed down, you sat down at a wooden table and ran your fingers through your hair. Your head was pounding and your mind was still racing. How did you get accepted when you failed so horribly? Maybe it was the fact that the titans weren't as smart as Eren, and couldn't tell if you were being predictable. Either way, you were finally a part of the scout regiment. And you couldn't be happier.

Hanji slammed her hand on your right shoulder and knelt down so that you two were face to face. She stared at you with a bright smile on her face, "Congrats, (last name)!"

"T-thank you," you say with a small smile. Everyone always said that she was obsessed with her experiments and really thought about nothing else other than those said experiments. You heard that she held titans captive and named them as she experimented on them.

Her eyes burned into yours through her thick glasses. What else was she expecting? Was she wanting you to say something else?

"She'll be great for the experiments," she finally said, "Eren, don't you think so?"

"Which experiments are you talking about," he asked calmly, raising an eyebrow. It seemed he was so used to the way she was, that it was actually pretty normal.

She smiled slightly, "Oh, never mind. I'll conduct my own little experiment with her..."

She stood straight and stretched. Your eyes search her in confusion. What was she meaning when she said she was going to conduct her own experiment on you? Fear rushed through you as you thought of all the ways that she could experiment on you. Tools cutting deep inside of you...

You shake the thought from your mind and sigh. It had been a long day. Between fighting Eren and fearing about what would happen to you since you had lost the fight, it was starting to wear you out. You wondered what room you would get and if you would have a roommate. You just hoped it wouldn't be someone too nosey or loud. Or maybe no one at all.

"(Last Name)," Levi searched you, "Are you too worn out to follow orders?"

Did he say something to you? You stare at him for a moment before looking around you to the faces of your peers. Eren was holding back a laugh, and Armin stood next to him with a cocked eyebrow, staring at you with his bright blue eyes. The girl named Mikasa's stoic expression burned into you.

What did you miss? You couldn't have blanked for that long.

You stood, "Sorry, sir. I didn't hear what you said."

"Obviously," he crossed his arms, "I don't repeat myself twice, cadet. Either listen, or pay the consequences. Are you ready this time? I'm not going to say it again."

Nodding, you say, "Yes, sir."

"I said that you will be rooming with Mikasa," he said, annoyed, "And to follow her to the room so that you can get situated. Am I clear?"

You nod and began to follow Mikasa out of the room. As you follow her down the castle halls, you watch as her short black hair swings back and forth lazily. Ever since you had seen her for the first time, you admired her. She was such a strong woman that was able to get into the elites so quickly. Protecting her fellow soldiers in battle seemed like her one true drive - or so everyone said.

But, you couldn't figure out what to say to her. You had already gotten through the hello's and how are you's. What was next? You had no idea what to even say to her. You had a lot of questions you wanted to ask, but you couldn't figure out the way to ask them.

She stopped in front of a medium-sized oak door and turned back to look at you, "You look pale. Are you sick?"

You straighten your stance and look into her dark eyes, "N-no...I just have a headache. A lot has happened today."

A quick nod and a quiet "hm" was all she gave before things between you went quiet again. She opened the door to reveal a tidy room. One bed was made perfectly, sheets pulled so tight that you could bounce a coin off of it if you wanted to. The other bed had a roll of sheets at the foot of the bed. At the end of each bed frame, was a large chest for belongings.

Assuming the unmade bed was yours, you walk over and begin to make it. Once you finished, you smiled. You were never that great at making beds. So you felt accomplished when your bed looked almost as good as Mikasa's.

Mikasa looked at your bed, "Levi checks each room every morning making sure that everything is clean. You may want to tighten up your bed a little bit, or he'll have you on cleaning duty for a week."

"I didn't think it looked bad," you mumble, finally noticing all of the wrinkles in the sheets and how your pillow wasn't fully inside of its case.

Mikasa walked over to your bed and began to fix it. Her hands moved swiftly, but you caught on. You just had to pull a little tighter and shove more under the bed for it to look nice. You smile. Levi will be proud of you once he figures out that you're good at making beds.

"Lights out was about ten minutes ago," Mikasa stated, stretching her hands above her head, "Did you figure out how to do it? He doesn't show much mercy, even towards new people."

"I got it," you assure her.

She walks over and sits on her bed, "Goodnight, (First Name). You have a busy day ahead of you tomorrow."

"Goodnight," following suit, you switch off the lights into bed. You wonder what she meant by having a full day ahead of you. But, as long as you're here, you think you will be fine.

_**A/N: Hellooo… I haven't had a lot of time to write lately, due to work and all that. But, I'm taking a vacation tomorrow until Friday, so I'll be able to update more. I hope you enjoy so far and keep reading. It's going to start getting good next chapter ;) **_


	3. Chapter 3

Your eyes fly open at the sound of knocking on your door. You turn your head to see Mikasa fully dressed and standing beside her bed, saluting towards the door. Why was she...?

Your body went cold in fear. This was the morning check she was talking about, wasn't it?

"Why didn't you wake me," you hissed, jumping out of your bed.

"I tried," she mumbled, "You slapped me and told me to leave you alone."

You knew you weren't the easiest to wake up in the morning. But you have never hit someone. You thought she was lying, until you notice the fading red mark on her left cheek. You apologize silently.

You were going to have to take whatever punishment that Levi would have in store for you. There was no way that you could make the bed and get dressed in a matter of seconds.

The door flung open and Levi's eyes immediately went to your unmade bed, "(Last Name)! What is the meaning of this? You're not even close to presentable and your bed is mess."

"I just woke up, sir," you explain, clenching your fists. Man, this was so embarrassing.

He stared at you for a moment, unmoving before he spoke again, "Cadet...make your bed and get dressed. Then get your ass to my office. You have ten minutes. Do not keep me waiting."

He slammed the door shut and you allow your hands to fall to your sides. What the hell? This was a simple mistake. You were sure everyone here has made that mistake at least once since they started in the scout regiment.

You make your bed silently and get dressed as quickly as possible. You figured that Levi wouldn't come back to check your bed again, so you left it somewhat messy. It wasn't that big of deal. You were already in trouble. What was one more thing?

You somehow find your way to the mess hall and you quietly take a seat beside Armin. Cleaning duty every day for two weeks? What even needed to be cleaned in that office? It was spotless already! And why did he have to point out his room? It was hard enough to be in his office alone with him. Thinking about being alone in his room with him… The taste of his mouth on yours and his strong hands feeling every inch of you.

"(First Name)," Armin's voice shook you out of your dirty thoughts. When you look at him, you notice the crease of worry between his brows.

"What," you ask, "What's wrong?"

"That's what we should be asking you," Eren stared at you from across the table, "Your face is completely flushed and you're late to breakfast. What happened?"

You glance over at Mikasa and she smiles slightly. It was nice of her not to tell them.

"Levi had to talk to me," you say. With that statement, everyone's ears perked up. Hanji snickered and Jean shot you a look of pure confusion.

You hold up two fingers, "Cleaning duty for two weeks. I woke up late today."

Hanji pouted, "I thought it was going to be something good!"

"You should know better than that," Jean rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, "Your little plan won't work. Sure, (Last Name) is cute and all. But, I don't see how Levi could be capable of any emotion other than ass hole."

Was that even an emotion? And what plan were they even talking about?

"Oh,," Hanji smiled mischievously, pushing up her thick-rimmed glasses with her index finger, "It has only just begun! Come, Eren! We need to get going. Have fun with your 'cleaning duty', (First Name)!"

Mikasa handed you a bagel and you smile in thanks.

As you ate, you listened to Eren and Armin exchange conversation while Jean found ways to throw in a smart-ass comment every now and then. They seemed nice enough, especially for all of the things that they have gone through. So many deaths and horrific situations.

You stand, "I might as well start today, so that I can get it over with sooner. Even though his damn office is spotless already. What is there to clean, anyway?"

Jean laughed, "Absolutely nothing! Fake it and leave."

"Don't teach her bad habits," Mikasa rolled her eyes, "See you later, (First Name)."

You nod and wave as you walk out of the mess hall. The bagel wasn't all that filling. But, you figure it would keep you full enough until lunch.

Once you got back to Levi's office, you raise your hand and knock. A few moments pass of silence. You begin to tap your foot slowly on the ground, the echoes reverberating throughout the halls.

"Who is it," an annoyed voice hissed.

"(First + Last Name)," you reply, "Reporting for duty…"

The door opened and Levi glared at you once again before walking back to his desk, "Shut the door behind you."

You step inside the room and shut the door quietly. Would it be out of line to ask him what was wrong? Or should you just leave him alone?

"Are you okay," you ask quietly.

After he took his seat, he looked at you, "I'm fine, cadet. The cleaning supplies are beside my desk."

"Would I be out of line to say that your office is already clean," you ask without thinking. Since you would probably get in trouble for that question anyway, you decide to add, "And I also don't think you are fine."

He raises an eyebrow, "Watch that mouth of yours, brat."

You think, _I'd like you to watch it as it moves down your chest to your..._

Shit! You groan and grab the cleaning supplies and begin to wipe down the book mind needed to stop wandering to that! It was inappropriate and dirty.

Once you finished the shelves, you grabbed the bucket of water and a sponge. You glance up at Levi, who was busy reading a piece of paper. You watch as his lips purse in concentration, making your body become hot. How could he be making you feel like this so easily? It wasn't like you knew him well enough to have feelings for him. But something about his strength and how he leads his group was getting to you. Even though you were probably on his shit list because of this morning.

His eye shifted to look at you, "Can I help you?"

Embarrassed, you look away, "No...sorry, sir. I was just thinking."

"About what," he asks, turning his head to you.

_Make up something, for God's sake!_

"About what part of the floor needs cleaned the most," you lie with a smile on your face. You've always been good at lying. But, for some reason, Levi didn't seem to believe you. Even though he didn't say anything, the way he looked at you told you that he knew you were full of shit.

He cleared his throat at motioned behind him with his head, "Clean from back to front. After you're done with that, you're relieved to training."

You thank him before starting to scrub at the floor. Hours went by before you were done and it was well past lunch time. You thought to ask about it, but figure he was making you skip it today.

Placing the bucket back down in its spot, you salute, "Thank you, sir. May I take my leave now?"

He glanced up at you before scanning the floor. With a satisfied smile, he allowed you to leave. You take each step towards the door carefully. Your arms were aching and your legs were burning from squatting so much. You never knew that cleaning could be so strenuous when you're trying to impress someone. You didn't know if you would be able to make it through training. But, no matter what, you would push yourself through it.


	4. Chapter 4

You fall back onto your bed and stretch. You were exhausted. After cleaning half of the day to training for the rest, your body was aching more than it had after you were done with Levi's office. Your legs felt like jello and your arms were burning. And to think, you had to do all of it again tomorrow. You didn't mind, though. A part of you was actually excited to be able to see Levi again. Watch him secretly as he worked. You knew the feeling you had for him, but you wouldn't admit to them. Not until you knew he felt the same.

_As if that will ever happen_, you think dryly, eyes beginning to close. It would be great if he did, though.

* * *

You open your eyes to see Mikasa leaning over you. Her hand was on your shoulder and she was lightly shaking you.

"At least you didn't hit me this time," she joked, "It's time to get up and get the room in order."

You stand slowly and wince once your feet hit the ground. Pain shot up and down our body as your muscles clench uncomfortably. You couldn't be that much out of shape, for God's sake. It wasn't even that strenuous of work.

A sigh escaped your lips as you forced yourself to make your bed and get yourself in uniform as fast as you can. You could tell that today was going to be a long day. The pain was so bad that you felt like you had to throw up. You have never felt this much pain in your life.

"You worked hard yesterday," Mikasa looked at you once you were finished getting dressed, "didn't you?"

"Tch," you scoff as you salute towards the door, "I guess so, seeing as though my muscles feel like they are on fire."

"Levi will like seeing that you're working hard," she states, hands moving to a salute right as a knock came at the door.

This time, when the door opened, it wasn't just Levi at the door. Chief Erwin stood towering beside him in the doorway. Both of them scanned Mikasa's side first, as if he figured that your side would be messy like yesterday. The look of slight surprise on his face made you smile slightly.

"Wipe that smirk of your face, cadet," Levi said, which made you force back a bigger smile.

Erwin smiled at you, "I see you've learned from yesterday that Levi likes things clean. Your side looks good. Nice job."

You nod, "Thank you, sir."

"You look like you're in pain," he stated.

"I'll be okay, sir," you say, "Nothing to worry about."

He smiles wide, "I like you. Well, welcome to the survey corps, cadet. It'll be nice having someone like you on our side."

"Thank you," you nod. It was a great honor to be told that from the person who leads the special forces team of the scout regiment. But the one person you really wanted to hear it from, still has not said it yet. Maybe because you haven't proved your worth yet. Which would make sense.

He turns, but Levi continues to look at you, "I expect to see you promptly after you eat your breakfast in my office, brat. Am I clear?"

You nod slowly. You weren't sure how you were going to get through today with your body feeling the way it does.

He turns and follows Erwin out of your room. He glances one last time back at you before shutting the door.

"Did I do something wrong," you turn to Mikasa.

"Not that I believe," she answers, "Come on, let's go to breakfast. I'm sure you're hungry after not eating much of anything yesterday."

You bite your lip and follow her out of the room. With each step came more and more pain, causing you to become more and more uncomfortable. You begin to feel dizzy, so you stop and put your hand on the castle wall. The cold stone felt good on your warm hands. You lean forward and press your forehead against it and sigh.

"Are you okay," Mikasa places her hand on your shoulder.

You hear Levi's voice down the hall and you straighten, but keep your hand on the wall for support. Your vision is blurry and your legs felt like they would give out at any second. You watch as he walks to another room and knocks.

_No_, you think, _this isn't going to bring me down._

"Let's go get some food and water in you," Mikasa says, beginning to help you walk down the hall. She put her arm under your shoulders and grabbed your hand in hers and began to walk.

As you passed by Levi, he turned his head slightly to look at you. Your (e/c) eyes lock with his charcoal-colored eyes as you walked by. His eyes widened slightly and his eyebrow cocked upwards. Why was he looking at you like that?

_Silly man_, you think with a small smile and a wave. His face goes back to its normal stoic expression right as the door opened, revealing Eren and Armin.

Eren's blue green eyes look right past Levi and to you. The look of worry began to show on his face, which soon was followed by Armin. You couldn't have looked that bad. The lightheadedness and the sick feeling in your stomach had to have been just the fact that you haven't had food in a while. You skipped dinner yesterday because of the pain in your body. But, not today. You would be sure to eat today. A low blood sugar was never good for a soldier.

And, like clockwork, your body went cold and your legs gave out from under you as your body fell to the floor.

* * *

"(First Name)," Mikasa's voice was the last one you heard before you blacked out.

Your eyes open slowly to see Mikasa, Eren, and Armin sitting beside your bed along with Levi sitting in a chair across the room with a less-than-pleased expression on his face.

You sit up quickly, "What happened? Why am I back here?"

"Do you really not remember anything," Armin asked, "You were awake through all of it until the end."

"I don't remember anything after I fell," you shake your head and press the palm of your hand to your forehead. You weren't sure how you could have stayed awake after the fall. You blacked out.

Mikasa handed you a plate full of food, "Eat and we'll explain and see if you remember."

As they talked and explained what happened, you eat. The fact that you were complaining that you were hungry and was in too much pain to keep living, crying through all of it, just didn't seem like you. You wouldn't complain unless it was deemed necessary to do so.

"I'm sorry," you look at all of them, "I get a low blood sugar if I don't eat…I guess I act like a completely different person."

"And one last thing," Eren smiled slightly, "You told Levi that you loved him."

Your eyes widen in fear and your body went warm. No... That couldn't be true. You told yourself that you would never tell him, no matter what. Maybe that was why he looked so disgusted, because now he knows one of his cadets were in love with him. Oh God… he was going to hate you now. This is exactly why you wanted to keep it a secret, so he didn't re-think his decision on allowing you to join his squad.

You stand quickly, "S-sir, I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. Where any of that came from."

He looked at you for a moment before standing. He kept his eye on you as he walked to the door before he added silently, "I still expect you to work hard today, cadet. I'll see you in my office."

Once the door shut behind him, you fall back onto the bed, "Just kill me and get it over with."

"He really didn't seem to mind," Armin laughed, putting his hand behind his head.

"Yeah," Eren looked over at him, following in on the laughter, "which is super weird."

"Why did he look so disgusted when I woke up," you ask, annoyed.

"You threw up on his shoe after you said it," Mikasa smiled, "You know how he is with things being clean."

You did what, again? You threw up on his shoe after you told him that you loved him? Great. Now he definitely was going to have a problem with you.

You stand. Might as well go get lectured by him again about how wrong it is to be in love with a leader and how disgusting you were for throwing up on his shoe. You could see it now. Two more weeks of cleaning duty for that one.

But, maybe this time you could get into that room of his.

_**A/N: Hey, all. Hope you're still enjoying. I've been sick with the flu :( so if anything sounds weird, I'm sorry. I'm not all there right now. **_

_**Comments are always welcome. Just be nice ;)**_


	5. Chapter 5

After you finally collected yourself enough to knock on Levi's door, you stand and wait. You figure he would open the door, glare at you - like usual - and then allow you inside to lecture you about throwing up on his shoe. Only to tell you that you had another two weeks of cleaning for being disgusting. Who knew how he felt about you telling him that you had feelings for him. For all you knew, he may not even say anything about it. It would make it better for you that way.

More moments of silence pass and you decide to let yourself into his office. You poke your head in; and, when noticing he was no where in sight, you invited yourself in. After some time went by, you sit down in a chair and stare over at his room. What if he was in there?

You shake your head. No. Levi made it perfectly clear that you shouldn't go in there.

Suddenly, the door opened and Levi stepped out, wiping his hair with a white towel. He wore nothing but his uniform pants, giving you a perfect view of his muscular stomach. Your eyes widen and your mouth drops slightly.

He looks at you, "(First Name), what are you doing?"

Your body went hot and your face reddened. That was the first time since you've met him that he's called you by your first name. Or anything other than brat or cadet. He couldn't be doing this intentionally. Teasing didn't seem like it was in his nature.

You stand and salute, "I-I'm here for...cleaning...stuff."

"Then start cleaning," he lowered the towel off his head and let it hang loosely from his hand. His hair was in a mess, swooping over his eyes every which way, "Next time, make sure you don't come in until I allow you to."

"What do you want me to clean first," you ask, glancing back down at his chest. You shake your head and force yourself to look at the cleaning supplies.

He motioned towards his desk and you immediately grab the supplies to dust off both the desk and the three chairs surrounding it.

"I'm sorry for throwing up on your shoe," you say once you start cleaning, "I didn't realize I did it until they told me."

"Did you mean what you said before you did that," he asked, turning back to his room.

You look at him. Was he really wondering if you loved him or not? You didn't know whether to lie or just straight up tell him. It wasn't like he didn't already know. You would just be giving him confirmation. But you didn't know if that was a good idea or not. Telling him how you feel. It could cause problems between you and him and maybe even the rest of the team. And that was the last thing that you wanted. Also, lying to him would probably cause trust issues between you and him if he found out that you were really lying.

Staring straight into his eyes, you answer, "It was the truth. But I am not going to allow that to get into the way of my duties."

"Hm," he walked into his room and shut the door. A few moments later, he re-emerged with a shirt on and his black hair back in its normal position. A part of you was happy that he didn't say anything about it after you told him, but another part was sad. You knew it wasn't going to happen. But you could wish.

"You're coming with us on the next mission," he walked towards the door.

"When is that," you ask.

He turned his head so that he could look at you from the corner of his eye, "Right now. Come on."

Oh, now he wanted to kill you off? That's great. So that he didn't have to deal with your childish feelings.

You follow silently. Once you were outside, you find everyone standing around the front yard of the castle. They have gone outside of these walls so many times, and yet they still look like they are eager. Hange mounted a horse and stretched with a smile on her face. Like she was going to find out something new about the evil things that have haunted the townspeople for years.

"(Last Name) is coming too," Jean asked quietly, face falling to one of worry.

"She's very capable of coming with us," Levi stared at him, "So protect her like you would anyone else."

Mikasa came up to you, "How is your body feeling?"

"It still hurts," you admit, "But, I'll be fine. I'm actually somewhat afraid. I've never seen one of these things before."

Armin looks at you, "You'll be fine! Just remember their weak point and go for it."

Easier said than done, but you figure you could do it if worse came to worse.

Once everyone had mounted their own horse, and you were on yours, Erwin turns and looks everyone in the eye, "Like always, take care of yourselves and don't get outnumbered. Stay in formation and watch each other's backs."

"And like always," Levi stared straight at you as he spoke the last two words, "don't die."

You nod slightly. What was that about? Did he really not want you to die? So, maybe he actually thought you were ready for a mission outside of the walls. You weren't sure that you were ready; but, at the same time, you didn't know if you felt you'd ever be ready. But this is what you joined the scout regiment for.

The team set out. As always, there were people lining the streets. This time, instead of you being one of those people on the streets, you were the one going outside to try and better the future. It was exciting and riveting that you could actually do this.

Once outside the walls, everyone up front began to gallop. Like it already knew to follow, your horse sped up to keep up with them. Teams broke out, and you stayed with Levi, Mikasa, Jean, Eren and Armin.

Up until about thirty minutes ago, you had no idea that there was going to be a mission today. No one was acting any different and no one spoke of it. It was like it would be bad luck if they spoke of it.

Some time passed before you finally saw a red flare go off to the right. You watch as the signal faded. You hoped and prayed that you wouldn't see a purple flare and that they could bring it down. It was Hange's group, so you figured somehow they would bring it down.

"Up ahead," Eren hissed, firing a red flare.

Your head slowly turns to see a 14 meter tall titan. Your eyes widen in horror as its head slowly turns towards your group, an abnormally large smile on its face. Its brown eyes were squinted in amusement, as if it was laughing at your fear.

"Don't attack unless necessary," Levi commanded as he fired a green flare, "Follow me."

You followed the group to the left of the titan. Suddenly, it began to reach for you. As its large hands drew nearer, the colder your body became.

"No," you kick the horse's sides, trying to speed up, "No, no, no, no, _no_!"

"(First Name)," Eren screamed.

"Shit," you pull your horse's reins to the left, making it veer right. The titan's hand skimmed your head and you clench your eyes shut. It was only the first day out! You couldn't die today! There was no way that you would die so easily...and the day you confessed your love to Levi. You couldn't make yourself look like a fool twice.

You stand on your horse and ready your 3DMG. No matter how you look at the situation, you weren't going to get out of fighting this thing.

You open your eyes and look up to it. But your eyes widen once more once you notice its hand was opened and waiting for you.

Your body slams right into its hand and it wraps its fingers around you.

You begin to jerk your body around in its hand, trying to escape, "GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME YOU PIECE OF…"

Once you were eye to eye with it, you freeze. The eerie smile on its face and the way its large eyes seemed to stare at you like you were its first meal in forever…

_This is it, _you think, _This is where I'm going to die..._


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: Hi humans of Fanfiction \\(._.) I've been on a hiatus for quite some time now, trying to focus on a book I'm wanting to publish (*sighs* I'm not even close to done writing it yet T_T). But, I'll try to keep up with this story. I've gotten a lot of comments from you guys saying you want me to update. Heh.. A lot has changed in my writing style since January (It's been that long since I've updated this? Wow, I'm the worst...don't hate me lol), but I'll try to keep it pretty much the same. Sorry, again. I'm back. Need a break from the book I'm writing anyways. **_

Chapter 6

Your last moments on earth were not going to be nice. It wasn't going to be full of happiness and you wouldn't be around people that you would know well. It was just you and this titan. You doubted anyone on the ground would save you. You knew damn well that you weren't worth another person's life.

The titan's hand squeezed around your body. Your bones begin to crack, causing more and more pain to shoot throughout your entire body. You clench your eyes shut and grind your teeth together.

"Tch," you clicked your tongue and opened one of your eyes slightly. Blood started to fill your mouth. You cough it up onto its hand once the pain became too great to handle.

"Damn it, brat! I told you not to die!"

You slowly turn your head to see Levi spinning towards the titan's neck. His blades sliced through the most sensitive part of its neck, and its hand immediately loosened. Pain seemed to slice through you as you fell. You couldn't even bring yourself to be able to reach for your 3DMG to even attempt to catch yourself.

Closing your eyes, you brace yourself for impact, but when it never came, you open your eyes to see Levi staring straight at you. His arms were wrapped around your body. You stare at him before choking out a thank you.

Once he set you down onto the grass, you immediately wrap your arms around him.

"There are more of them around here," he said, patting your back, "We have to get out of here."

"Just stay here for a minute," you whisper, a tear running down your face and onto his shirt, "please…"

He cups your face in his hands and stares into your eyes, "We can't stay here right now. I'll stay with you for as long as you want once we get back safe and sound. But, for now, we need to get out of here."

Your eyes widen slightly at the silent promise. He was going to stay with you as long as you wanted him to when ever you got back into town? Your heart fluttered at the thought as you give him a slight nod in affirmation. He gives you a slight smile, and his arms unravel you. A gust of cold wind sends a shiver down your back as you force yourself to your feet.

Eren is beside you in a second, grabbing your wrist and pulling you up onto his horse. He gives you a weary glance, "Are you okay?"

You wrap your shaking arms around his waist. No, you weren't okay. You almost died on your first expedition, on the first titan to come across your path. You knew you weren't made for the Survey Corps, but they all welcomed you with open arms. How could they go outside the walls, knowing that these things were lurking right outside? You couldn't comprehend it, how these people could sleep at night, knowing that one day they could be killed by one of them.

You take in a shaky breath, "Y-yeah. I'm fine."

His eyes soften. How many deaths has those pair of eyes seen since he had joined? You open your mouth to speak, but can't find the words to ask. So, you close your mouth and clench your eyes shut.

"We're retreating," A gruff voice shouts, "There are too many of them out here! Get back to the-"

Your eyes open just in time to see the man get grabbed off of his horse by a large hand, connected to a seven-meter titan with large, glistening hazel eyes and that haunting smile on its face, just like the one who had grabbed you. Its bald head glistened in the sunlight.

You watch as it brings the man up near its face.

"No," you scream, "No! Someone stop it! God, please, make it stop!"

A few men started to turn to rescue the man in the titan's grasp, but everyone knew it was too late. The titan had half of the man in its mouth, its jaws closing around him. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. The man's eyes pleaded for help, tears streaming down his face and down the seven meters to the bright green grass. His blue eyes meet yours right as the titan's mouth closes around the man's torso.

Blood spewed out in every direction, coating the titan's mouth, the grass around it and everyone standing meters away. The blood of the man hit your face and your eyes fill with tears. His eyes were still open and his mouth still wide in a silent scream, and you blamed yourself for not being able to do anything to help him. You didn't even realize that you were going full speed back to the safety of Wall Rose. All you knew was that the titan that just ate your comrade, was staring straight at the retreating humans. Staring hungrily, greedily, in your direction. And you didn't know of any way to stop it.

You heave, cupping your hand over your mouth. You close your eyes.

"We'll be back soon," Eren murmurs, eyes narrowing, "Trust in me, (First Name). Nothing is going to happen to you."

You rest your head on his firm back and allow a single tear to run down your face. They saved you, a new cadet. But, barely made a move to help someone who had been in the Survey Corps for years. Why didn't they stop it? Why didn't they let you die and retreat? That man would have never died if it weren't for you. And you'd have to live with that for the rest of your life.


End file.
